Last day, new day

Wow, so much time has passed, it has been busy for me with all the year end things that need to be done at work, Thanksgiving, Christmas and now the New Year is here. 

All in all, it has been an all right year for me. We had some good times, some not so good times, but I managed to make it through untouched, unscathed, but with a greater understanding of my life, and those around me, and with a much greater ability to sense me and my needs. 

I have grown a garden, not just outside but the more important one in me, it's flourishing, and as long as I keep feeding and watering it, it just keeps blossoming and blessing me with fruit. My garden outside is in its winter state, but it won't belong before I get it ready for planting and then it will bless me with some hopefully hot chiles, tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, garlic, and hmmm, whatever I plant. 

I have read scriptures, gained a little more knowledge in the Word. I have made a quilt, and some lap quilts with matching pillow covers. I have mended some clothes, cleaned out more stuff and donated it appropriately. I redid Jessie's room, and its so nice to go in there and sew, YEAH!!!

I have read a lot of novels to keep that romantic part of me alive, as well as how to fix you stuff, which has really helped to ground me. There were a lot of lessons in both kinds to learn from what I read, so that was absolutely great. 

I have managed to cook up a few new dishes that we all liked, and will continue to keep trying new ones. I managed to ride a little, gained some new lessons, lost a few to school activities, but my new ones are autistic, and it is fun and I feel honored to be helping them out. 

We sold some horses, but I have my favorites, my chickens are preparing to start the spring laying contests with each other, the turkeys will be getting ready to hatch out again. We will be expecting new babies with the goats soon. And hopefully Waffles, Lucy and Bunny are bred, they are so cute.  I have a cat that seems to be smart and is a great gopher cat. My dogs, well, are my dogs, ha ha, a little loony still.

I played a lot, and really enjoyed not feeling as if I had to do things. It was great. I did some planting up front and had a pretty flower garden for awhile. I learned how much fun people are, even when they don't look like they want to participate. 

I learned and experienced so much this year, and had a great ending to this year, I couldn't have asked for more. 

Wishing all a very Happy, Prosperous, Loving and Healthy New Year to come. 

:)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Wishing all of my 

family and friends a very 

Merry Christmas,

 and

 hoping that you will find 

peace and calmness

 in your hearts and souls,

 to enjoy this 

special day.

Love you all!!!

Christmas Cheer

So, here it is just a couple of days or so before Christmas, I finally got stuff done and my oven has been repaired!! That made my day. 

I made some banana bread last night and its delicious, yeah!!  So, this last week Jon was teasing me about Ralfie and putting horns on his little head, picking at us both, so I got this bright idea of the "Grinch who stole Christmas" dog. Poooooooor Ralfie. 

He is a trooper, brave at heart, tries his best to please me, puts up with us dressing him up and doing all the unnecessary things that little girls do to their dogs (and grandmas with little girl hearts). Soo, he has been made into the Grinch dog kind of. He didn't really have to get dressed up much, but the look on his face was and is priceless, I just love this little dog.

He kind of got that glazed look in his eyes, ha ha, but he was happy to get his doggy treats along the way. He is so, um, cooperative, he listens really well, but I think he sometimes feels a hair humiliated, but we played afterwards and went for a walk to put up the chickens, and he was very happy about that. 

He kept sliding on the table, I should have put a towel or blanket on it so he could have stood better, I think that contributed to the deer in the head lites look, hee hee. But, he did do pretty good, considering how loony I get. So this is my Christmas Cheer!!

Anyway, everyone, have a Merry Christmas!!

Love ya.

An explanation I hope

December 8, 2013

After I wrote my last post, Fear and Love, I was asked a question. I was asked what it was all about, and it sounded like someone had hurt me. Well, first, I am good. Really. Second, which one of us, you tell me, anybody out there, has not been hurt sometime in our life, through death of loved one, death of pets, breakups, loss of jobs, accidents, loss of friendships, abuse, loss of marriage fidelity, loss of financial security, loss of fill in the blank.

I will try to explain, it will take a few days to do so.

How we accept those losses, determines how we move forward. So, here I am, thinking about ideas, thoughts to help me grow. Sometimes I just go with the flow and good things happen, other times I feel as if I get lost. Then I have to regroup and reground myself in order to continue. Fortunately I have a lot of patience. And fortunately I spend a lot of time thinking of how I want this to come out. (Maybe its unfortunate.)

Over the years I have been hurt intentionally and unintentionally, through the acts of others and then the after effects of actions, hurt again. Through the memories of these as well as how I perceived these memories, it hurt and some days to the point of wanting to just quit. Everything. Something always stopped me from quitting. 

I lost my self esteem, confidence. I thought so many bad thought about myself. And the worst part is I believed them. It's crazy how you can be hurt and have it twisted to make you feel guilty, and how others can feed off that and make you feel even worse of yourself.

But I have to go on, never quitting no matter how hard it may be. Life seems to have a funny way of teaching us what to do. If we only listen. There is so much to learn, to experience and to accomplish or do. I cannot quote scriptures as I am learning at a slow pace what it means to me, my interpretation, how I see it, read it. But what I have read has begun to make sense to me and has enlightened me. I have favorite scriptures, and they are so full of wisdom, common sense.

People may scoff at me and others who are learning and trying to live their lives this way or for even believing in our Heavenly Father. But to me, what I have actually experienced is something that is so personal that unless you have experienced it yourself is hard to believe or understand.

Fortunately I am also learning that through loving and forgiveness I can keep on on this journey, to find my reasons for being here. And it's not easy, but it is doable.

People suffer I think sometimes or a lot of times unnecessarily because they let these old memories, scars, fears, hurt for so long that it becomes a part of their everyday life. I believe it becomes embedded in their thought process, and won't allow themselves to see reality, protect themselves from that reality, hide it, deny it, what ever it may be. But to face it, WOW, a whole different world.  I think for me recognizing this has been a great breakthrough for me.  

Their are several sites and books that I have read and listened to what was written and it has really helped me. What I also have read in my bible has helped as well. I didn't want to be in pain and hurt anymore, so I made the choice to make a change for me. If you know the serenity prayer you know what you can change, what you cannot and the difference of those, similar to you can only change yourself. You cannot change yesterday or figure out tomorrow but we always can live our best each moment now, live in the now and be worthy of those around us by doing our best. 

I realize that we are not perfect and we have bad days that still get us, but, for me, the power of prayer gets me through each time, and being enveloped with that warmth and peace gives me all the answers that I need. We have to accept our pasts, we have to be responsible for our actions, accept and be accountable. None of us are perfect. None us can go with out ghosts in our closets. 

Second chances, what are these and how do they play a part in my life? Well, to me, second chances give the opportunity to allow someone to redeem themselves the best that they are able too. If they take advantage of that opportunity, then they are able to better themselves in our communities, in home life, in just about everything. 

If we don't allow second chances, we are allowing for repetition in those actions, feeling of insecurities, of no self worth, low self esteem, a feeling of know one cares about me. Allowing bad habits to be reinforced because of the harmful feelings that are harbored, it creates an unhealthy environment, feelings Of not being LOVED. But, we are loved, all of us. 

I have seen so many good people make the same mistake over and over again, and wonder how they allowed themselves to be trapped in that cycle. I was there. So, giving second chances can make a difference. I know that I had to finally give me a second chance. For me it was almost kind of like forgiving me for all the things that I felt guilty about, perceived or real. Once I realized that I am a good person, I am some one, then it was so much easier to look around me and realize how I judged. It was scary, it is scary, and now back to our friend.

Fear. Our old friend, the one we are trying to be rid of . Fears again can do such damage. But if we can allow second chances many will benefit from this by learning to face their fears and making a change (and for us too, each and every one of us). I know there are people out there that will say I don’t know what I am talking about. And maybe I am being delusional in my thinking. Probably not everyone needs a second chance, but what if, because there are a lot of people that deserve that…… What if you don’t give that second chance and their ability to change and make something great happen in your life, or someone else's or their own life by realizing their mistakes, by redeeming themselves in all ways possible, by contributing healthily somewhere?

Not all will be able to do so. I realize that because they are so trapped in side that it might be impossible. But…

By giving a second chance and maybe perhaps sharing our stories, and then as we have grown, truly live our lives how we would have wished to all our lives, we can show and gently guide those around us. Some will be ready, others will need to come to it at their own pace, when they are ready.

This can really be important in how we move forward in our lives, not to dwell on the past. Call me loony, crazy, it is OK. I see things the way I see them, I try not to complicate my life anymore, and I learn them at my pace and my way. Don't we all. But we can change. We can learn. We can realize and understand and make a difference.

I have read some of Joyce Meyers books, a Charley Stanley, and Barrie Davenport. All three of these were or seemed to written for me at a particular time in my life where I was feeling alone and at some of my darkest points in my life. The answers I received and the enlightening in my heart were amazing and the results have been amazing, and this also includes what I have read in my bible, which has been the most amazing for me in what I have read and learned.

Life is wonderful if you give it a chance. Life is amazing if you slow down enough to look around you. Life is filled with wonder, open your eyes, breathe, smell, listen, touch and feel your senses with it's beauty.  

Don't hold on to your grudges any more, give that gift to yourself this year's Christmas, don't let the past control you anymore, give yourself love and forgiveness, and let it open you to a world of amazing.

Wishing all of you, family, friends, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!
Love you all.

My dough dog

So here it is already the end of the week, Christmas creeping up on me, and I haven't baked a cookie yet. :) This weekend, I will make some cookies, one way or another, haha, I think Pacino may help me a little. He is my little dough dog. He just loooovvveeess tortilla dough.

He will sit right behind me or to the side just to see if I mite just throw a piece to him. So, I make little balls almost as large as a pencil eraser and roll them on the floor. He runs and sniff them out, good sniffing excercise. Or he will be in his bed and I will let one "plat" on the floor.

He will poke his head out, look at the floor, jump and come over sniffing and hunting. I just love this little guy.

Last night as I was watching tv, he decided his tail was best kept in his mouth. Round and round he went, and then he would stop, look at me, and then go again. He never gets in my lap and has now decided to try jumping in it, he gets so excited sometimes or nervous, that he acts like he is hyperventilating, panting over nothing. Haha, he is so funny.

He is such a cutie.

So, we will have an adventure of cookie baking and a dog. Maybe I will make some doggie cookies.

fear and love

I started this Friday night (November 22, 2013), and didn't finish because I am so used to a full keyboard and trying to type on my phone is ridiculous. Haha, I am spoiled with my keyboard. I have been adding to this post and taking away, trying to make sure that what I am trying to say comes out that way.

Between that Friday, and to yesterday and today I have learned a couple of life lessons.  One is that when you fear things, it, fear, grabs a hold of you and smothers you. You have to face your fears in order to grow and live your life fully. It's kind of like love. You use that love, give it freely, and yeah, you get burned but that is okay. And 2nd, would you not rather love and be loved and experience all that comes with it?

I know that some will say getting burned is not ok, but, I have found out, that when you do get burned with love, it hurts, really really hurts, like getting sucker punched or falling off a horse and getting the wind knocked out of you. You do get your breath back, you do get up a little bruised, sometimes a little gun shy (or a lot) but you do get better. You never forget, but you can move on.

I realize that some fears are justified in how we feel, but there are others that we have made in our minds, that have grown to be exaggerated in our perceptions of them. I have alot of physical fears, falling or being bucked off my horse. Getting in a car accident, or any accident, but those I deal with easily most of the time. I have a fear of heights, haha, and I am working on that. Water, the dark, I have determined I am a sissy.

But I am able to deal alot with these, work my way through them. Some of them started when I was little, maybe from pranks from older siblings, scary stories, movies or stuff that my imagination started and got a little out of control. Some, I am not sure how they started, but I am searching myself for these beginnings, and I have found a lot of them that have become a part of me. In finding these, I have started correcting the thought patterns, the self destructive pattern that holds on for all it can. Doubts, insecurities, lack of confidence in doing things that I always have wanted, being able to stand up for myself. I am someone.

Then, I have found out that when you let your emotions get in the middle of these, they can skyrocket out of control as well.

 Fear takes a hold of your mind and causes you to be trapped and lose control of your life and your passions of what you would like to accomplish. Fear shackles you and restrains how you live. Fear cripples your ability to function and keeps you in doubt of your ability to do much of anything or causes you to doubt those you love and that love you.

Lack of love causes you to hide inside, not allowing true honest healthy emotions to surface. Its okay to cry, to laugh, to be silly, to be angry or hurt. Lack of loving also helps to fuel the bitterness that makes life so full of despair and leads to hatred, which in the end will make you die inside. Love fills you with hope, faith, kindness. It fills you with laughter and tears. Its healthy, its awesome.

And then that brings me to trust, and how both of these directly affect your ability to trust. Trust is earned. Trust is broken easily, and so hard to build back up. But if you are able to squash those fears that run on emotions and prior events in your life, and if you are able to allow yourself to love wholly and completely, and not let those fears get in the way, your life becomes so much more whole. I am not saying that it just happens and is easy, its a learning battle for your self, for your health, physically, mentally and spiritually. But as it moves forward, its such a great feeling.

I read some things about this, and one of them was from an author whom died in 1928, he wrote some interesting articles, some that I have looked up. His name is Frank Crane. I read an article in my Readers Digest that he wrote "10 Rooms that Should Be in the House of Life". The fifth room really opened my eyes, as all of the rooms caused me to consider the meanings of what he wrote and how I have lived my life.

The other houses are really neat, art, music, letters, outdoors, children, sports, food, religion and work. . As I read about it I realized how much I have held myself back in love, in just doing what I like to do and worrying about others and what they think. I also learned how much I let so many fears hold me back, and usually they are of the unknown. Well, none of us are ever going to know what tomorrow brings, we only know what yesterday gave us. That's it.

We can live right now, fully and completely, giving it as much as we can, and just by simply stepping out of the boundaries we have unknowingly set up for ourselves to keep us safe and from being hurt, we can experience more love and a more fulfilling life. I have set myself up to fail in the past, now I have set myself up to succeed, to have a life filled with success and abundance. I also will share that alot of what I have learned is through scriptures, and realizing that when applied, it changes your life. I pray all the time, and ask our wonderful God to help me learn and reach inside to find my way. He does help me. I have learned to have so much hope, faith, love and patience in my life, and I will continue on my journey.

LOVE!!@ LIVE!!@ ENJOY!!

Don't stay crippled. Let you be you and bloom like a flower and enjoy your sweet lives.

Love ya  :)

Thanksgiving and more

Thanksgiving came and went.  It was good, delicious simple food and just David, Jon, myself and Arturo. When I had gotten home on Wednesday after work, after dinner, I decoded to make pies, but... My oven decided it did not want to work. UGH!!

So after being really frustrated and thinking I didn't want to boil another turkey, (i did that one year, i have had my oven not work before, and that turkey was so good and moist, seasoned like I was going to make enchiladas) I remembered I have a 18qt oven roaster and a camp oven outside. Yeah!!! The day was going to be good!!

So I took my time waking up and made us breakfast. I put the turkey on and then started making pies out in the shop. It smelled good too because we had the fireplace going too.  I must have made a hundred trips in and out, checking on the pies and then checking on the turkey as well. But, I had a great day, changing it from potential disaster to a fun and happy day!

The pies cooked well the turkey was moist and tender. Everything got done on time and at the right time as well.

What a yummy looking turkey.

And stuffing...

We ate turkey, rolls, corn and green beans, stuffing and mashed potatoes. Very simple but good.  I. bought Jonny sparkling cider and pepsi's for us.The pies were yummy too. I hope all of you had a great day as well.
















This is my oven cooking the pecan pie.









Here is the apple pie and the finished products.










The following morning Jon  says Mom can we go to Verizon. My friend Jay texted me to say they were giving free tablets with signing a two year contract. So we went and got him one. Bevan came up and we both ended getting one as well. Haha, I have been wanting to get one as well, just didn't want to put out the money yet. Solo, here I am typing on it with two fingers. Not as good as my keyboard but it'll do pig. Just love that  movie.

So here we are trying to see if I like it and so far its OK. Bevan and I played around with them and had a good time.