An explanation I hope

December 8, 2013

After I wrote my last post, Fear and Love, I was asked a question. I was asked what it was all about, and it sounded like someone had hurt me. Well, first, I am good. Really. Second, which one of us, you tell me, anybody out there, has not been hurt sometime in our life, through death of loved one, death of pets, breakups, loss of jobs, accidents, loss of friendships, abuse, loss of marriage fidelity, loss of financial security, loss of fill in the blank.

I will try to explain, it will take a few days to do so.

How we accept those losses, determines how we move forward. So, here I am, thinking about ideas, thoughts to help me grow. Sometimes I just go with the flow and good things happen, other times I feel as if I get lost. Then I have to regroup and reground myself in order to continue. Fortunately I have a lot of patience. And fortunately I spend a lot of time thinking of how I want this to come out. (Maybe its unfortunate.)

Over the years I have been hurt intentionally and unintentionally, through the acts of others and then the after effects of actions, hurt again. Through the memories of these as well as how I perceived these memories, it hurt and some days to the point of wanting to just quit. Everything. Something always stopped me from quitting. 

I lost my self esteem, confidence. I thought so many bad thought about myself. And the worst part is I believed them. It's crazy how you can be hurt and have it twisted to make you feel guilty, and how others can feed off that and make you feel even worse of yourself.

But I have to go on, never quitting no matter how hard it may be. Life seems to have a funny way of teaching us what to do. If we only listen. There is so much to learn, to experience and to accomplish or do. I cannot quote scriptures as I am learning at a slow pace what it means to me, my interpretation, how I see it, read it. But what I have read has begun to make sense to me and has enlightened me. I have favorite scriptures, and they are so full of wisdom, common sense.

People may scoff at me and others who are learning and trying to live their lives this way or for even believing in our Heavenly Father. But to me, what I have actually experienced is something that is so personal that unless you have experienced it yourself is hard to believe or understand.

Fortunately I am also learning that through loving and forgiveness I can keep on on this journey, to find my reasons for being here. And it's not easy, but it is doable.

People suffer I think sometimes or a lot of times unnecessarily because they let these old memories, scars, fears, hurt for so long that it becomes a part of their everyday life. I believe it becomes embedded in their thought process, and won't allow themselves to see reality, protect themselves from that reality, hide it, deny it, what ever it may be. But to face it, WOW, a whole different world.  I think for me recognizing this has been a great breakthrough for me.  

Their are several sites and books that I have read and listened to what was written and it has really helped me. What I also have read in my bible has helped as well. I didn't want to be in pain and hurt anymore, so I made the choice to make a change for me. If you know the serenity prayer you know what you can change, what you cannot and the difference of those, similar to you can only change yourself. You cannot change yesterday or figure out tomorrow but we always can live our best each moment now, live in the now and be worthy of those around us by doing our best. 

I realize that we are not perfect and we have bad days that still get us, but, for me, the power of prayer gets me through each time, and being enveloped with that warmth and peace gives me all the answers that I need. We have to accept our pasts, we have to be responsible for our actions, accept and be accountable. None of us are perfect. None us can go with out ghosts in our closets. 

Second chances, what are these and how do they play a part in my life? Well, to me, second chances give the opportunity to allow someone to redeem themselves the best that they are able too. If they take advantage of that opportunity, then they are able to better themselves in our communities, in home life, in just about everything. 

If we don't allow second chances, we are allowing for repetition in those actions, feeling of insecurities, of no self worth, low self esteem, a feeling of know one cares about me. Allowing bad habits to be reinforced because of the harmful feelings that are harbored, it creates an unhealthy environment, feelings Of not being LOVED. But, we are loved, all of us. 

I have seen so many good people make the same mistake over and over again, and wonder how they allowed themselves to be trapped in that cycle. I was there. So, giving second chances can make a difference. I know that I had to finally give me a second chance. For me it was almost kind of like forgiving me for all the things that I felt guilty about, perceived or real. Once I realized that I am a good person, I am some one, then it was so much easier to look around me and realize how I judged. It was scary, it is scary, and now back to our friend.

Fear. Our old friend, the one we are trying to be rid of . Fears again can do such damage. But if we can allow second chances many will benefit from this by learning to face their fears and making a change (and for us too, each and every one of us). I know there are people out there that will say I don’t know what I am talking about. And maybe I am being delusional in my thinking. Probably not everyone needs a second chance, but what if, because there are a lot of people that deserve that…… What if you don’t give that second chance and their ability to change and make something great happen in your life, or someone else's or their own life by realizing their mistakes, by redeeming themselves in all ways possible, by contributing healthily somewhere?

Not all will be able to do so. I realize that because they are so trapped in side that it might be impossible. But…

By giving a second chance and maybe perhaps sharing our stories, and then as we have grown, truly live our lives how we would have wished to all our lives, we can show and gently guide those around us. Some will be ready, others will need to come to it at their own pace, when they are ready.

This can really be important in how we move forward in our lives, not to dwell on the past. Call me loony, crazy, it is OK. I see things the way I see them, I try not to complicate my life anymore, and I learn them at my pace and my way. Don't we all. But we can change. We can learn. We can realize and understand and make a difference.

I have read some of Joyce Meyers books, a Charley Stanley, and Barrie Davenport. All three of these were or seemed to written for me at a particular time in my life where I was feeling alone and at some of my darkest points in my life. The answers I received and the enlightening in my heart were amazing and the results have been amazing, and this also includes what I have read in my bible, which has been the most amazing for me in what I have read and learned.

Life is wonderful if you give it a chance. Life is amazing if you slow down enough to look around you. Life is filled with wonder, open your eyes, breathe, smell, listen, touch and feel your senses with it's beauty.  

Don't hold on to your grudges any more, give that gift to yourself this year's Christmas, don't let the past control you anymore, give yourself love and forgiveness, and let it open you to a world of amazing.

Wishing all of you, family, friends, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!
Love you all.